As usual, let's summarize 2023 with a subtitle. I was initially torn between choosing "You'll know when you survive" or "You'll see when you're alive." Then, I suddenly remembered the classic line from the movie "The Battle of Sutjeska" that I watched last year: "Whoever is alive can see." I appreciate the optimism behind this line, and I hope to be more optimistic about my outlook on the future. So, in the end, I decided to use "You'll see when you're alive."
"The world is dangerous." This year, countless events in the world made me think of this phrase. "Who am I and why am I here?" I often find myself lost in these moments of uncertainty.
I grew up with the education of a "global village" and "globalization," but these dreams are clearly shattering. This year, I have traveled to many places around the world and studied various policies, but the more I see, the more I realize that the world is uneven and everyone is born unequal. I am starting to doubt whether there really is such a thing as "universal values." I still feel a surge of emotion when I think of Lu Xun's words, "If there is no torch after this, then I am the only light," and I am moved by Liang Rengong's words, "Ten years of drinking ice, difficult to cool the hot blood." But I still feel myself becoming numb and despicable. I don't know where my path lies ahead, I'm starting to forget the path I came from, I don't know who I am, and I feel like "I" is also falling apart with the world.
But it seems that I have become more patient than ever before. I am learning to let go of attachments, to believe that being alive is the answer itself, "Whoever is alive can see." The universe is vast, why worry? Cherish the present, cherish the moment.
Review of 2023#
Footprints#
I did a lot of traveling last year, literally circling the earth and more.
In 2023, I spent 7 days or more in the following counties/cities/states/countries: Chongli, Xi'an, Shanghai, Beijing, Dali, Hong Kong, Singapore, Montenegro, Serbia, Bosnia and Herzegovina, California, Chiang Mai.
Other cities/countries I visited include: Lijiang, Seoul, Paris, Madrid, Qatar.
Airports I had layovers in: Frankfurt Airport, Tokyo Haneda Airport, Warsaw Chopin Airport. I found it interesting to have layovers of a few hours in different countries, like tasting a concentrated drink made from the flavors of each country. The most memorable one was Frankfurt Airport - the Germans are really tall, and I had to stand on my tiptoes to reach the bar's POS machine when I paid for my sausage with a credit card.
Technically, Qatar was also a layover, but since Qatar is a visa-free country, I purposely chose a flight with a layover of more than 20 hours so that I could explore the country.
Love#
Reading last year's year-end summary, I wrote, "In the past year, I have gained a deeper understanding of what love is, what kind of love I want to build, what I can give, and what I expect." Suddenly, I fell silent. It seems like I still don't understand. How could I have been so confident back then?
I am happy and proud that I have created many beautiful moments with loved ones throughout the year. But in practice, I have come to a deeper understanding of the effort required behind it. As for the "country of love," it is such a great ideal. I no longer seem to be able to speak of things like "the world" with certainty, such as "to establish a heart for the world, to establish a life for the people" or "to worry about the world's sorrows before enjoying its joys." Human power is limited, and I am becoming more withdrawn and pessimistic. Now, I just want to practice gratitude and generosity in every day of my life.
Of course, "you'll see when you're alive." I respect my current thoughts and also respect the possibility of changing them in the future.
Know Yourself is the most difficult question in life#
Understanding my strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes, beliefs and doubts, fears and trusts - these are the perspectives I often observe myself from. I am confident that my self-awareness in these aspects has strengthened over the past year, but I still feel that the most perplexing question in all of 2023 was self-awareness.
I can't figure out who I am, what I want, and I don't understand my subconscious. I tried to find answers in psychology books, seek wisdom from Buddhist scriptures, look for clues in astrology, and search for experiences in history... but it's like wandering through a maze. However, in the end, I may have gained some enlightenment, that is, not to judge. "All phenomena are illusions." Perhaps there are no answers, and that is the answer.
Another issue related to self-awareness is identity. Although I am an introverted person, I realized that sometimes I try to avoid socializing not only because I prefer solitude but also because I struggle with my identity. In these situations, even solitude is not as enjoyable.
In the past, I could easily avoid socializing, for example, when I was a student, because my identity was very simple - just an ordinary student. I didn't have any identity issues, and solitude could support my self-worth affirmation. But as my sense of self-worth becomes more complex with growth, I can't fulfill all aspects of my self-identity in solitude. Identity is, after all, a social concept, built upon the feedback of others and established through social interaction.
Input and Output#
In response to the expectation I set in 2022 to spend more time playing games, I played a lot of "The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild" on airplanes and trains last year. However, I still haven't obtained the paraglider. The game I played the most last year was probably "Just Dance," lol.
I didn't keep track of the books I read, but it wasn't a lot. I read more non-fiction than fiction. But in the second half of last year, I suddenly had the urge to read a lot of novels. I admit that this is essentially an escapism mentality, wanting to immerse myself in the world of literature, just like being intoxicated with alcohol.
At the beginning of the year, I promised to start a weekly report plan, but unfortunately, I couldn't stick to it for more than a few weeks. In summary, atlas-thinking updated a total of 3 blog posts, atlas (including weekly reports and some short posts) updated a total of 20 blog posts, and the wandering she goes channel updated about 40 pieces of content. I feel most regretful about the lack of updates in the wandering she goes channel, mainly because I had accumulated too much content that I wanted to catch up on, and then I didn't dare to post new content... The same problem happened with the weekly reports... In the new year, I hope to have less of this perfectionism and focus more on creative expression.
Health#
Looking back, I realized that I didn't have a health check-up or get my blood tested at all last year. I plan to have a check-up early next year. Overall, I feel that my physical condition wasn't great last year, as I had several colds.
Sleep: It was basically a mess. However, I observed that I seemed to be able to (relatively) go to bed and wake up early more easily while traveling, maybe because of exhaustion or sunlight.
Diet and Exercise: I ate out a lot this year, even when I was at home, I cooked less. To make up for my neglect in diet, I started taking some supplements in the second half of the year. But honestly, I only took them when I remembered, and if I didn't remember, I just let it go.
Exercise was also not consistent. Most of the time, I was in a lazy state. At the beginning of the year, I sprained my foot while skateboarding, and it still hasn't fully recovered. I did some sports rehabilitation, which also helped with my knee joint popping issue. It's not completely resolved, but it's better than before, and I think the orthopedics treatment played a more significant role, while sports rehabilitation was more of a supplementary role (though not unimportant).
Although the intensity of exercise was not high, I still had the opportunity to experience the world. Last year, I tried three new sports: rock climbing, scuba diving, and Muay Thai. Among them, rock climbing became one of my favorite sports in 2023, and my skiing skills also improved.
Here are some supplements I took:
- Fish oil (for lowering cholesterol)
- Grape seed extract (supposedly improves urticaria... not sure)
- Calcium ascorbate (supposedly improves urticaria... not sure)
- Calcium magnesium zinc tablets (supplementing trace elements; usually, if I take calcium ascorbate, I don't take calcium magnesium zinc tablets, or vice versa)
- 21st Century multivitamin (supplementing vitamins)
Outlook for 2024#
Tolerance is more important than freedom#
On one hand, as mentioned earlier, I seem to have become more pessimistic after seeing more of the world. But on the other hand, I am more aware of how precious tolerance is as a quality. I know that I am not someone with a great temper, and I often have an unstable mindset. But growth is the process of smoothing out rough edges. I used to say "anger is a virtue," but now I find myself using "tolerance is more important than freedom" as a reminder.
In the new year, I hope to do better in "how to love, tolerate, and be patient with another person."
Active Socializing#
As mentioned earlier, I hope to actively establish a more stable sense of self-identity through socializing. It's challenging, but I want to choose to face this challenge.
On the other hand, as I understand more and more that human power is limited, I also realize the importance of collaboration. As an introverted person and a perennial solo player, I actually don't know how to cooperate well. I hope to learn better collaboration and communication through more practice.
Becoming a more powerful person#
This is the same desire and expectation as the previous year - to become physically stronger and mentally stronger. Yes, I crave power. But I also realize that power requires focus. Life requires subtraction, which is not easy. I still haven't figured out where to subtract.
Others#
There are many other expectations and ambitions, but they are specific goals that need to be pursued. It's already 2024! I wish everyone happiness!