Outside the window, the clear sky stretches for thousands of miles, and the warm winter sun envelops the dense branches. Birds fly back and forth from time to time. I glanced at my phone, 8 degrees Celsius. "Great, finally it's not below zero degrees," I muttered to myself. But then I thought, what does this bright and sunny scene have to do with me? I am still confined to this dark room, unable to even muster the strength to leave this bed.
The world outside the window, so free and expansive, seems so close yet so far away. At that moment, the phrase "warm during the day, cold at night, frying one's life" came to mind. Suddenly, I understood Li He's state of mind when he wrote this poem.
I know it's a bit presumptuous to say that. The difficulties and torment caused by my illness are far less than what Chang Ji (I always feel that using his full name sounds too formal, so I'll just call him Chang Ji) experienced. But in that moment, I could still feel it to some extent. Chang Ji was plagued by illness throughout his life and passed away at the young age of 27. I guess he wrote this poem "Bitter Day" driven by the torment of his illness. My head feels heavy, closing my eyes feels like descending into hell; my eyes are burning, my heart beats rapidly, dominating each hot breath; every minute is difficult to endure, constantly coughing, each cough tearing my throat apart in pain... Such days are like my life slowly being fried over a small fire. The world outside the window changes day and night, and I can see from the temperature on my phone that it's warm during the day and cold at night. But in reality, that world with its warmth and coldness has nothing to do with me. It's just waiting outside the window for my life to be boiled away.
Being sick always seems to have a destructive impact on my will to live, making me involuntarily empathize with the despair and sorrow associated with death. It has been a long time since I had such a serious illness, and it has been a long time since I felt my willpower decrease to this extent.
Illness Progress (Hopefully the end)
First, let me record the progress of this illness.
First of all, this virus has an incubation period. It is estimated that I was infected with the virus on a day between Friday and Monday because I was with a friend during those days. Our symptoms were very similar, and the onset of the illness was also very close.
Tuesday (11.28): The day before I got sick.
- Sleep: in bed 8 hours 48 minutes/asleep 7 hours 32 minutes (data from Sleep Cycle)
Everything was normal, except that my neck was very sore from falling while skiing (looking back now, I suspect that I may have already been infected with the virus on the day of skiing, which caused the soreness in my neck. After all, the fall was not serious, and I didn't feel any pain at the time, so I don't know why it became sore later on), but overall, I felt fine. I even did some squats and other bodyweight strength training at home in the evening. My sleep was also normal.
Wednesday (11.29): The first day of illness.
- Sleep: in bed 10 hours 31 minutes/asleep 9 hours 07 minutes (data from Sleep Cycle), hardly woke up all night.
- Heart rate: My heart rate started to steadily increase from around 9 am, from around 70 beats per minute to 110 beats per minute by 11 pm. However, after taking medication, my heart rate steadily decreased during sleep and returned to around 65 beats per minute by 6 am the next day (data from Apple Watch).
- Body temperature: 35+/36+/37+/38.6/38.9
I felt fine within the first two hours after waking up in the morning, and even had a meeting with a colleague to discuss work. But around 10 am, I suddenly started feeling uncomfortable, with a heavy head and a pounding heart. I felt like I had a fever, but when I measured my body temperature, it was only slightly above 35 degrees Celsius. After that, my headache and cough worsened.
Around 11 am, I measured my body temperature again, and it was slightly above 36 degrees Celsius, but I still decided to take one (expired) ibuprofen. Since my body temperature was not high, I didn't think I would have a serious illness. I took the medicine because I usually take ibuprofen for headaches. The reason it was expired is that although I bought the medicine a long time ago, it works quickly (probably not extended-release), and it provides good relief for headaches, so I kept taking it...
When I went out for lunch, I already felt much better, and the ibuprofen was working.
Around 4 or 5 pm, unexpectedly, my cough worsened, and I felt extremely dizzy. By this time, my body temperature had risen to over 37 degrees Celsius. The soreness in my neck and shoulders had not improved, and the muscle pain from the fever became even more intense. But I still planned to push through and go out to find a massage parlor for my neck and shoulders, as I was worried that I would feel worse later.
Around 8 pm, after the massage, I was considering whether to go to a hot spring to warm up (the outdoor temperature was as low as minus 12 degrees Celsius that day). But when I measured my body temperature, it was 38.6 degrees Celsius (the first time I had a fever). It would be risky to go to the hot spring with this body temperature, so I decided to eat something and go back home instead (side note 1: the restaurant owner kindly provided me with a mixture of ice water and a plastic bag to keep it cold/side note 2: I couldn't find where I parked my car and ended up walking in the cold wind for a long time, almost going crazy...).
I returned home around 10:30 pm and measured my body temperature again, which was 38.9 degrees Celsius. So, I took another ibuprofen capsule.
Thursday (11.30): The second day of illness.
- Heart rate: My heart rate remained stable at around 65 beats per minute from 6 am, until it started to rise steadily and reached its peak of 120 beats per minute around 8 pm. After that, it started to decrease and remained around 90 beats per minute until 3 am the next day. It increased again to 110 beats per minute in the morning (data from Apple Watch).
- Sleep: My watch ran out of battery in the morning, so the data is incomplete. I probably slept for 7-8 hours. I woke up about three times during the night to use the bathroom and drink water, but I didn't feel any discomfort (data from Sleep Cycle).
- Body temperature: 35.9/37.3/38.4/38.5/38.3/37.7/37.3
In the morning, I measured my body temperature at 35.9 degrees Celsius. Since I had already started to feel drowsy after taking the medicine the night before, and my fever had completely subsided when I woke up, the soreness in my neck and shoulders had also improved significantly. I almost thought that I was getting better.
Around noon, just as the effect of the medicine was wearing off (the ibuprofen capsule has a 12-hour effect), I started to feel feverish and weak all over my body. To make matters worse, I found out at noon that our room would be without water until 6 pm.
At 2:50 pm, my temperature rose to 37.3 degrees Celsius (the second time I had a fever), so I took another ibuprofen.
At 4:00 pm, it was 38.4 degrees Celsius.
At 6:15 pm, it was 38.5 degrees Celsius.
At 7:05 pm, it was 38.3 degrees Celsius.
At 10:30 pm, it finally dropped to 37.7 degrees Celsius.
Around 2:00 am, before going to bed, I measured my body temperature again, and it was 37.3 degrees Celsius.
On that night, probably due to the weakened immune system caused by the fever, I developed an allergic reaction near the area where I wore my watch and in the crease of my knee. So, I took another antihistamine.
Although I still had a fever the next day, overall, I felt much better.